I love to ride my bike, but I hate riding my bike trainer. I throughly enjoy golf, but I generally don’t like the driving range all that much. I like to do things, you see, but I really don’t like to train for them.

I was thinking just a bit ago about how difficult it is to be without my children. I am a dad. One of my greatest callings in life is to care for and meet the needs of my children on a daily basis. But I am prevented from doing so. What it feels like is, on most weekends, I am a dad. And during the week and on others weekends, I am not. I don’t know how to “turn off” being a dad, and therefore, when my children are not present, I feel like a major portion of my life is simply missing. But perhaps I need to look at it another way.

When I am riding my bike, I am a bicyclist. I can go places and see things. I can feel the wind on my face and hear the sounds of nature. When I am on my bike trainer, I am sitting still. All I can hear are the unpleasant sounds that the trainer makes. It is not very enjoyable. But it does not make me any less of a bicyclist, regardless of how it feels. It is a opportunity to be a better bicyclist.

During the times that I do not have my children, I often simply do not know what to do with my time. I feel like I’m staring at my bike wanting to go for a ride, but it’s snowing outside. When what I should be thinking is this: now is the time to train.

No, I would never wish that I spend more than the rare few days apart from my children. But the fact of the matter is that, unless God works a miracle, I will not see them as often as I desire. And so, while I do not have them, I need to focus on becoming a better dad. I need to immerse myself in the Word, focus on getting proper sleep, learn more parenting skills, and spend time in prayer. Yes, these are things that will improve me as a man. But they will equally improve me as a dad.

I miss my son and daughter more than I can express in words. But I am not going to sit idly by as I wait to see them again. No, I do not enjoy getting on my bike trainer nearly as much as I do actually riding, but I must do it. My desire is - and has always been - to be the best dad that I can be for my children. And that means that I must learn to train. And train I will, so help me God.

This past year has been like no other I could ever have imagined or dreamed of during my worst nightmares. Almost a year ago, my wife of 8 years, having left me the month prior, told me that she would not return to the marriage. Upon recommendation, I immediately began attending a DivorceCare group at the Vineyard Church of Columbus. One of the first things I was taught during this Bible-based 3-month course was to take stock of what I had lost. It was a step that was required for healing. And while I’ve thought about it many times, I have yet to write down what this past year has wrought. This is my attempt.

First are foremost, the past year claimed my wife. Jen was like no other woman I had ever met. Beautiful and brilliant, silly but sexy, driven but compassionate, kind and thoughtful, she was everything I dreamed of in a wife. She was my best friend: the only person with whom I shared everything. And she was dedicated to the Lord, the single-highest qualification I had when I was seeking a wife. She bore me two amazing children, Elnora (5) and Emmitt (3), who have also been taken from me. While I am thankful that I do still see my children, they now live in a distant city, and I see them only 1/3 of the time that I formerly did.

When I married, I was adopted into an entirely new and wonderful family. When my marriage was taken from me, those relationships were thrown into disarray. God has been gracious in allowing me some continued contact with my former wife’s family, but I am not likely to ever feel the closeness that once was present, nor do I see any of them with any regularity. In addition, the divorce has strained relationships with my own family.

In 2009, I was forced to sell the house where my son was born and where my former wife and I had planned to raise our children. Located on the best street in one of the most quaint towns in central Ohio, it was a blessing from God. And when I sold the house, I lost the best neighbors I’ve ever had. More than just good neighbors, Brian and Karen were - and still are - good and faithful friends. As were Dane and David, who I rarely see anymore at this point.

Last winter I had to sell my car, a 1992 Mazda Miata. I had looked for a Miata for over 10 years before finally purchasing this one. I had raced it a few times the previous summer and I had planned to do so often, something that I had wanted to do since I first discovered autocrossing in the mid-90s. When the car sold, the confidence in owning a reliable vehicle was lost as well. I am still blessed to own my old truck, and I purchased a Honda Accord with the money from my Miata. But neither is as reliable as my Miata or the car which my former wife kept.

This past year I have lost countless personal possessions. Whether claimed by my ex-wife or sold to help make ends meet, I have but a fraction of the items that I formerly owned. Rifles, computer equipment, software, tools, furniture and electronics were all lost or sold. Even my dog was a casualty, as she now lives with my former wife. And 2009 spelled a notable loss in income. When child-support is taken into account, I now have the least amount of disposable income since I graduated from college almost 15 years ago.

But perhaps the hardest thing to lose this past year were my dreams. I had what I had always wanted: a family. And I had so many plans already in mind for the next 20 years. Most of my greatest memories as a child are of family vacations. And I had planned to take my wife and children on our first true family vacation this past spring. We were hoping to go to Gatlinburg, where Jen and I honeymooned, and we planned to take our respective parents with us as well. I was greatly looking forward to taking my family on road trips across the country. I expected to visit Washington D.C., Boston, Niagara Falls, Florida, amusement parks, campsites, and many other places. Jen and I had talked about spending our 10th wedding anniversary driving Route 66 across the country. And while that was still our plan, I had secretly been entertaining the notion of taking Jen on a several-day train ride - something she had always wanted - through the Rocky Mountains or along the east coast. I already had visions of Thanksgivings and Christmases spent with my family at our house. Jen loved to entertain, and I expected to spend many evenings with my family and friends around a campfire or the supper table. And every one of these dreams - and so many more - vanished in an instant.

Studies have shown that the pain felt in divorce is greater than that of anything except that of losing a child to death. And while I thankfully cannot verify that claim, if I were to be honest, I can say that, at times, 2009 tested my very desire to live. However, God has a way of using even the greatest crisis to his glory and for our good. He did not bring the events of 2009 upon me, nor did he desire them. But I would be remiss if I didn’t mention some of the ways in which he’s used them to bless me.

The last year has given me more friends than I’ve had at any one point in my life. And while I lost some friendships, those that remained have grown stronger in virtually every way. My church - and my small group in particular - have become my family. I have been given opportunities at work that I formerly did not have, both in my ability to share my faith and in my ability to learn new things. My financial needs have been miraculously met, I was healed from a serious health problem, and my desire to read God’s word has been reinvigorated.

This past year, the Lord has drawn me closer than he has in years, and he has taught me more about myself than I ever learned before. I’ve been given a greater sense of empathy towards those in need. My eyes have been opened to many spiritual truths, and I’ve been taught how to give up more of myself and how to love more deeply. I’ve been given opportunities to serve those in need and to share what I’ve learned with those who need to hear it. I’ve been able to speak more deeply with my family, and the time spent with my children has been more focused. And I’m learning how to trust God more and more.

I am not yet at a point where I can say these blessings were worth my losses. And while that is my hope and prayer, I realize that I may never reach that point. What I have lost is simply too great. While I know greater blessings remain for me, I cannot yet fathom how they could be greater than what I once had. I can truly say that I love my former wife more now than I did when I married her. And yet I can do nothing with it.

Despite all this, I am looking forward to 2010 with optimism. I see great opportunities before me in many areas of my life, some of which I scarcely imagined a year ago. I don’t yet know what God has in store for me, but I am excited about it. During the coming year, I will do my best to follow Christ wherever he leads me. And while I don’t expect to do everything right, I know that he will continue to bless me and my household. Clearer than ever, I can see God working. And that alone means that 2010 will be a good year.

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It has now been more than 10 years since I originally saw The Matrix. At the time, I knew absolutely nothing about the film. I walked into it having not even seen a trailer. I saw the movie at an old theatre in Norfolk, Virginia that had been converted into a restaurant. The venue, the picture and sound quality, and the food were all absolutely fantastic. I was there with my middle brother, his wife, and my soon-to-be wife (though we weren’t yet dating at the time). It was an event to remember. That day seems impossibly long ago at this point, but The Matrix has been one of my favorite movies ever since. There are many reasons that is the case, not the least of which are the incredible characters portrayed by Laurence Fishburne and Hugo Weaving. But what I like the most is that The Matrix - in many ways - is an analogy of the Christian life.

I’ve not spent a single second reading opinion pieces about The Matrix, but my guess is that, even before the sequels were released, it was clear to most observers that Neo was a Messiah figure. And I assume that most comparisons between this movie and Christianity have to do with this. But I find a couple of other aspects about the movie to be much more compelling. And those are how the movie addresses faith and how the movies defines enemies. While I think each is equally interesting to talk about, it is the latter that I have spent more time pondering as of late.

While teaching Neo about the Matrix, Morpheus says the following: “The Matrix is a system, Neo. That system is our enemy. But when you’re inside, you look around, what do you see? Businessmen, teachers, lawyers, carpenters. The very minds of the people we are trying to save. But until we do, these people are still a part of that system and that makes them our enemy.” More than most anything else in the movie, this quote sums up the reality of  following Christ in this world. And that reality is that those we are called to love the most are often our enemies.

While any believer will freely admit that Christ sits on the throne, he or she also understands that Satan is the prince of this world (John 12:31) and he comes only to steal, kill and destroy (John 10:10). From the very beginning, the devil has been at work to discredit our Lord, to separate us from God’s love, and to wage his selfish war against the very Creator and those who love him. It should be clear that Satan is our enemy. But crafty as he is, Satan chooses not to fight against us directly. While there is without a doubt spiritual warfare that takes place unseen by human eye, Satan’s primary weapon is us. And that simple fact trips up so many who are attempting to follow Christ.

Satan, you see, is a deceiver. The Bible calls him “the father of lies” (John 8:44). And as such, he whispers disinformation into the minds of those in the world, peppered with the truth. And by doing so, he convinces others to do his bidding. And he does it in such a way as they don’t even realize what has happened. As believers, we are not unaware of Satan’s schemes. But though we are aware, the world is not. And love them though we may, those in the world act as our enemies. Worse still, even followers of Christ are not immune. Being aware of Satan’s tricks does not make us insusceptible to them. And those Christians who are honest will admit that, even as they attempt to follow Christ, they have gone through times when they have been blind to the fact that they were in opposition to God’s will. The truth is that, much like the agents in The Matrix, our enemy can use anyone to wage war against those who follow Christ. But - praise God - that is where the analogy ends.

In The Matrix, those who are being used by an agent are treated by those who have been freed as if they were the enemy. And to that end, they are destroyed. But Jesus teaches us to fight differently. “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,” he says (Matthew 5:44). This is one of the most profound passages in all of Scripture, and it is one of the most important. For we are called not only to faith, but to love and forgiveness. And to love and forgive even those who love us is sometimes a challenge. How then can we possibly love our enemies? Over the past few months, the Lord has given me the answer. The key is to remember who our true enemy is.

When Christ came into the world, many men opposed him. While he certainly had a following, those in power challenged him at every turn. And yet Christ - while sometimes rebuking them - loved each and every one. Even to the point of allowing himself to be led as a lamb to the slaughter, giving up his own life for us. Jesus understood that his children were not his enemy. And being fully conscious of this, on the cross he dealt the death blow to his true enemy - and to ours. And in doing so, Jesus opened the gates of heaven to all who would put their trust in him.

So many in the church today judge those outside of God’s will. And while we are called to obedience and holiness within the church, we need to learn to look upon others with empathy. For we have all been deceived. We have all been in opposition to God’s will. “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” (Romans 3:23) And we all likely will oppose God time and again at points in our lives, even as we endeavor to follow Christ. Remember that when you look at those who hurt you. Dwell upon that when someone speaks bad about you. And look with new eyes upon those who oppose you. For we are called to love our “enemies.” And the only way to be obedient to Christ in this command is to realize - like Jesus - that those around us are not our enemies after all.